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So I hope everyon had a good Halloween.  I cleaned the house up as Wifey was out for the day in the Lakes with a friend of hers, having a Thelma and Louise type day out.  The dog was ancey all day and wouldn't leave me alone, except when I put on the vacuum.  So I did some work, had some mini pizzas (since Wifey fnally allows me to have them sometimes now) and got things mostly tidied up.  I lit the pumpkins, got the candy ready, and put on Young Frankenstein to await the revellers.

Now, we live in a semi-rural little cul-de-sac community which has a lot of young couples with small children.  I HATE giving out Halloween candy to kids, as I feel very awkward and dopey, mostly because I can remember very clearly how stupid and norky I thought the adults were when I went around begging for candy as a kid.  PLUS I generally find it hard to understand kids' high, chirpy voices...PLUS their mouths are usually obscured by ill-fitting costumes...PLUS they are all little broad Geordies, and while I am much better at translating it now, I still need the two second pause before I understand what the hell has just been said.  PLUS the fact that, at two meters tall, kids generally do that slowwwww upturn of the necks until they stop at my face with awe and fear in their little eyes, and it just creeps me out a bit.  HOWEVER, I decided that the best solution was simply to grin broadly and tell them all how scary and lovely they looked while distributing liberal amounts of tuck to them.  Oddly enough, this strategy worked very well most of the night.  The kids, far from being the bastard cretin that I was on Halloweens, were very polite and sweet and thankful and one even reprimanded her friend whom she accused of grabbing too much with a well placed "ASHLEIGH!!!  PUT SOME BACK!"  Ashleigh, suitably chastised, hastily dropped half her loot and gave a nervous giggle before her friend thanked me politely and they trundled off.  I was reasonably stoked and even more grateful that we had moved to a nice place and I wasn't going to have to remove TP or shaving cream from anything in the morning...

Then things got funky....

The doorbell rang and I opened it to a small, bejewelled little white fairy princess, complete with golden curls, a glittery tiara, and a big cheesy grin.  She might have also had wings.  I said "Happy Halloween...What do you say?"  "Trickortreat!"  As I handed her some candy, I said  "There you go; you look very pretty."  Suddenly, an apparition stole out from the darkness; where the girl was sparkly and white, the new person was taller, dressed in black with a big witches hat and cape.  As soon as the words "you look very pretty" left my mouth to the child, a big smile lit up the face of the other figure who said "But her mum's prettier..." AND THEN WINKED AT ME!!!

I whinnied like a startled horse, simpered a smile, mumbled out a "happy halloween" and closed the door as quickly as decorum would allow...That sort of thing is NOT ON!!  Especially in front of her bairn!! For FUCK'S SAKE!!  When I texted the wife with my horror, she laughed!!!! 

Good Lord.  Next year, the wife is handing out candy and I am staying cuddled up in bed.

Happy Halloween +1! 

Date: 2007-11-01 03:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zenbaker.livejournal.com
Please, Please, PLEASE go to a strip club. I will give you the money and everything. Take the_bags as well and let me and vax have the video footage of how appalled you both are.

Please.

Hilarious!

Date: 2007-11-02 10:50 pm (UTC)

Date: 2007-11-02 04:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] the-bags.livejournal.com
Im a proper miserable old bastard now when it comes to trick or treaters and penny for the guy. Vax and Mo were out, so I closed the curtains and ignored the door all night. Little twats. They dont want candy, they want cold, hard cash to spend on bottles of white lightening and cheap tabs.

Now, the mother thing is just funny!!! Im actually giggling here. I can visualize your panic attack. I would have probably looked in shock too, like I had just been slapped across the face with a fillet of smoked haddock. So was she prettier then?????

I got heavily beaten the other day for telling V that I was winked at by one of our secretaries when I said good night......

Date: 2007-11-02 10:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] geordieyankee.livejournal.com
We are simply two good lookin' studs and oor wimmin can't handle it! Actually, Vic is now administering a heavy beating of her own after having read this...We are even!

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